28

What an adolescent I was! 
Still had pimples, mood swings, even crushes. 
Envied Nancy's carefree dating life and kindergarten teaching;
envied Aunt Ruth's Oxford life and college teaching;
searched want ads for better paying work for Ted or me;
didn't savor the joys of conversation with children.
Today, reading Etty's diary of her 28th year, I realize
writing was what I was missing, especially writing to You
which I do now in her words:
I now realise, God, how much You have given me. 
So much that was beautiful and so much that was hard to bear.
Yet whenever I showed myself ready to bear it, 
the hard was directly transformed into the beautiful.
And the beautiful was sometimes much harder to bear,
so overpowering did it seem. 
To think that one small human heart can experience so much,
oh God, so much suffering and so much love, 
I am so grateful to You, God, for having chosen my heart,
in these times, to experience all the things it has experienced.





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