Was my life a charade? Who did I want to be? For whom was I acting in Side Door’s fall show or in Communion of Saints at Potters House? Jean was a freshman at Calvin, Rhonda finishing her Masters at Michigan State, Christopher his Bachelor’s at Maryland. Their absence and my parents’ presence was jarring at times. It was You I addressed in all those journals Mother/Father God, Brother Jesus, Holy Spirit; You whose scriptures I wrestled with, pled by, copied and posted on van and car dashboards. You led me to the Simple Lifestyle Class, Kerygma Mission Group, intern membership at PHC. You showed up each day: I recognized You in deer sightings, in seniors’ smiles, in voices or writings, whenever I stopped showing off. You nurtured my desire for a good man, a friend, a companion and co-parent.